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Over breakfast the other morning he suggested that we
should come up with an emergency action plan. He was wearing camouflage
pants and his favorite olive green t-shirt. The gas mask made it difficult
to understand him as he rattled on about our evacuation options, duck and
cover drills, and decontamination rooms.
He was surprised to hear that we have no weapons on
hand – even weapons of limited destruction are not to be found anywhere
on the premises. He pointed out that we should keep our kitchen knives
sharpened at all times, and has suggested that we look at several attack
He’s checking on the neighbors now – each and
every one of them – because you never know who might be a terrorist.
Since profiling is out of the question, even my 95-year-old next-door
neighbor is not above suspicion. The neighborhood kids riding up and down
the sidewalk on their scooters could be hiding explosives in their
backpacks. Perhaps we should have metal detectors installed to screen the
mail delivery person and the UPS guy.
Always park the car police style when you go to the
grocery store. You should back into the parking spot for a quick get-away
in case of an attack. Keep one of those mirrors with the long handles
handy for checking under the car for explosive devices, like they do at
the airports now. Never assume your car is safe, or that the mall or
grocery store is safe, or that riding in an elevator or getting on a plane
The ground water is probably unsafe and the very air
that we breathe is not above suspicion. He was appalled that there was no
Cipro in the medicine cabinet, that our small pox vaccinations are out of
date, and that we don’t have a year’s supply of bottled water and
canned goods on hand.
I’m becoming more distressed every day now that Dread seems to be our permanent houseguest. He never smiles, tells a joke or relaxes. He doesn’t like our friends and declines invitations. He watches too much TV. Will he ever leave? I sure hope so. Maybe if I just ignore him, he will disappear like a bad smell that eventually just evaporates.
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