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Shrek: one of my all-time favorites!

by the Phantom

I'm a talking donkey

There’s this short prince, well, make that a very short prince, with no self-confidence, who steals Snow White’s magic mirror, and threatens it, before the mirror finally tells him that he must find a princess and kiss her before he can become king. Well, duh…Anyhow, for some reason he banishes all the fairy tale characters from his princedom and they end up camping on Shrek, the ogre’s, doorstep which really pisses Shrek off. Shrek is an ordinary ogre who burps, farts, washes himself in mud and hates everybody, especially donkeys. But, he becomes friends with a very talkative, short-legged Donkey, named Donkey, who convinces him to go see the short prince. They do and after a great battle, Shrek becomes an ogre-knight on a mission to find the princess for the prince.

They set off and Voila! they find her, in a castle, surrounded by a volcano moat, guarded by a pink fire-burping dragon. Shrek and Donkey manage to steal the princess from the dragon, mainly because Donkey and the dragon fall in love, sort of. The trio make their way out of the flaming castle, leaving the pink dragon caught on a chandelier, and head back to the prince. But the princess has a Secret: she’s only a princess during the day. At night she becomes an ogrette. She hides her secret from Shrek due to a Shakespearian-type misunderstanding. Shrek loves her but turns her over to the short prince and she agrees to marry him during the day so when night falls they’ll already be married and he’ll just have to live with the fact that she looks like an ogrette when the sun sets.

But just in the nick of time, maybe just a second too late, Shrek and Donkey, stop the wedding and convince the princess to marry Shrek just as the sun sets. Everybody’s happy, after the cue card people tell them to applaud and sigh. There’s a big party at the end with everybody singing I’m a Believer, because old rock and roll songs rule. The end.

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