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Wanna read the latest
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Idiotic pet jokes |
 Here they are: the Kung Fu Kitties (yet another anonymous email!) |
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Smart Cat The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes,” the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!" |
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How to thoroughly clean a toilet: 1. Lift both lids and add shampoo. 2. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom. 3. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top, so cat cannot escape. 4. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this) 5. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective. 6. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids. 7. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry. Sincerely, The Dog |
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The
Talking Dog (stop me, if you've heard this one...) “You talk?” he asks. ”Yep,” the mutt replies. ”So, what's your story?” The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young, and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?" The
owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that
stuff." How
Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? Golden
Retriever: The sun is shining, the
day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside
worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? Parrot Joke A woman
brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet
on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the
bird's chest. After a mo The
Frog Joke An
older lady was so As
she walked by the jar he was in, he looked and winked at her. He
whispered, "I’m lonely too. Buy The
old lady figured, what the heck, she hadn't found anything else. She
brought the frog and put him in the car. Driving down the road the frog
whispered to her "Kiss The
prince then kissed the old lady back. And
guess what the old lady turned into? Co She
turned into the first motel she could find…she’s old…not dead!
A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad
habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had
to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened he looked up to the heavens and "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!" |
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