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There's nothing funny about the flu, 
or is there...

more email humor

gotcha
Flu bug?
Image credit: Gogue


Symptoms of the BIRD FLU...

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield

The flu: a Love  Story

I will seek you and find you.
I will take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you groan and moan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I am finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

           All my love, THE FLU

How To Avoid The Flu

Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.

OR

Take the doctor's approach. Think about it...
When you go for a shot, what do they do first? They Clean your arm with alcohol...Why? Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.
So...
I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona. (fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio. (fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh. (eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)
The way I see it: If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!

My Irish grandmother always said, "A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!"

Speaking of vegetative states: 

A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her: "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."  His wife gets up and unplugs the TV.


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