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Group Therapy
Shark attack
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Group Therapy 

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself  in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go.

Nine Things to Remember for good mental and physical health:

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
3. Never lick a steak knife.
4. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
6. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
7. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.
9. Your friends love you anyway.


20 Ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. 
See if they slow down. 
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN". 
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy". 
8. Don't use any punctuation. 
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". 
12. Sing along at the opera. 
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work. 
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom. 
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!" 
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!" 
19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." 
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . . . e-mail this to someone to make them smile and laugh. Its called therapy. 

Companionship

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section, 
Buy a dog. 
If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you, 
Buy a dog. 
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it,
Buy a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want,
Buy a dog. 
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movie,
Buy a dog. 
If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores, 
Buy a dog. 
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually, 
Buy a dog. 
But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness... 
Then...
Buy a cat! 

The Cat

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. 

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. 

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. 

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! 

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" 

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?" 

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!" 

Alligators
The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, golfers and tourists in general to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in : Alachua, Marion, Lake, Collier, Lee, Seminole, Osceola, Palm Beach, Polk, Brevard, Putnam and Orange counties.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their shoes or clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with an alligator.

It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity. People should learn to recognize the difference between small young alligator and large adult alligator droppings.

Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. Adult alligator droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

Find it here!     

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