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I Can Depend Upon Nobody

by Kevin T. Boekhoff

 

Widescreen laptop computer


Kevin says: I reside in Sioux Falls, SD with Katie, my wife of 32 years, our Yorkshire Terrier, T-Bone Dickens. I have had several humorous stories published in The Motor Market magazine , Clever Magazine – “Tall Hunting Tale”, The Storyteller Magazine and write a column for the PASD Newsletter called “Wanderings through My Ponderings.” I also serve on the board for the Parkinson Association of South Dakota.


Somebody told me recently that in this day and age, I NEEDED to have a website. My abilities failed me on previous attempts, so when the words of reassurance, “Anybody can do it” slapped my face, I flinched. I don’t know Anybody personally, but he or she seems to have a tremendous banquet table of abilities a their disposal. I learned that Everybody that is Somebody has a website and Anybody might go there. 

How does one get a website? Is it built, created, or “poofed” into existence by a “wannahaveit” wand? I had Somebody help me, but I missed the “poofing” part when they produced it. I got a password that only I know, Nobody doesn’t even know it.

The website has this handy dandy little chart that tells me how many people have visited. Everybody has not been there yet, Anybody might have been there, but its hard to tell. But once in a while Somebody visits. I check on the number of hits and can see that Nobody has been there the most. And Nobody has bought my book via my website. I notice there are days in a row where Nobody spent time there. I wonder what Nobody does there. I get bored there and I know the guy and even kinda like him.

Anybody is really pretty unpredictable. Anybody could check out my website. Anyone can read my book. The problem is discerning whether Anybody really has. In fact, it is hard to recognize Anybody when you see them physically and in person. My theory for this problem is that Anybody looks like Everybody only in singular form. Anybody moves through life in the shadows cloaked in anonymity. Nobody knows who they are, but refuses to divulge their identity.

Everybody is the braggart of the group. Everybody claims to have been everywhere and done everything, and yet Everybody has not been to my website. Where is Everybody? Again, Nobody knows.

Somebody has a way of getting one’s hopes up.  Somebody will visit my website someday – at least I hope so. Perhaps one day an uppercase Somebody will visit. Then I could claim that SOMEBODY visited my website. The chart only tells me when Somebody and Nobody visits. 

Everybody should visit my website, Anybody can do so, Somebody will someday, but meanwhile I can depend upon Nobody to be a faithful support.


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